decisions.....

Many of us become so afraid of making a decision, one way or the other, that we become ‘stuck’ and unable to move forward.  When we become stuck in this indecisive state we become increasingly more and more unhappy and anxious.  We ask ourselves: “All of my friends and family are moving forward, excited for each day, why am I still stuck in this unhealthy _________ (relationship, body, job, house, town etc).  There may be many reasons for your indecisiveness but here are the top three I see in my Intuitive Living consultations. Once you recognize these obstacles, you can identify them, deal with them and move forward confidently.

1. Trust yourself. Do you trust yourself? Do you dwell on past decisions gone wrong? No matter what your decision, there will be an outcome, good or bad.  It is up to you to view this outcome as positive or negative.  If you make a decision and you perceive it as the “wrong” decision and beat yourself up about it, you will not be willing to face that question again. When that opportunity arises you might dismiss it remembering the ‘mistake’ you made in the past. Instead, try to view the outcome from all angles, learn from it, trust yourself and move forward past this point.

2. Perfectionism. If you delay a decision until all aspects are 100% perfect you will never make your decision.  This is true for major decision as well as minor decisions.  For example, so many people say, “I want kids but it is not the right time”.  There will never be a right time.  There will always be something that needs to be dealt with first.  Or, something as minor as asking your boss for time off, getting a new car, posting a blog, taking a vacation to a dream location.  We all have to start somewhere and if you don’t start you will never finish.  Stop making excuses waiting for the perfect moment, the moment is now.

3. Fear. To me, fear is the biggest obstacle to moving forward (fear of rejection, fear of the unknown). What if I ask and they say ‘no’?  What if my business is too successful and I can’t keep up? What if I make an offer on the house and they reject it? What if my date isn’t perfect?  What if, what if, what if…..? These thoughts aren’t bad,  allow yourself to have these thoughts then get rid of them. This is often hard to do, so sometimes it is helpful to answer your “what if” question.  For example, after I had kids I developed a fear of flying.  I would say to myself “what if the plane crashes and I die and my kids are left without a mother?”  I missed so many opportunities to travel, accept enriching jobs, and meet new people because of this ‘what if’.  Until one day it occurred to me to answer my question.  What if the plane crashed?  My kids know that I love them, they are well taken care of in my will, I have an incredible family who will raise them to be wonderful adults, and they will be okay.

Decisions, big or small, need to be made, so don’t be afraid to jump in with both feet and have fun!  Just take a deep breath, and remember regardless of the outcome, everything will be okay.

Feng Shui: science or art?

((Escher: relativity))

The answer is—Both! Feng Shui is part science based on ecology, psychology, geomancy, meteorology, anthropology, sociology and parapsychology; but applying it correctly is an art.

The science of Feng Shui is applied in assessing how one's surrounding environment consciously and subconsciously impacts the mind. Feng Shui and Intuitive Living should be thought of as creating our optimal environment.  Today, we buy what is marketed to us; we buy tract homes and condos in small boxes. Even our interiors are designed with the latest trends rather than what we truly need.  We have lost our sense of understanding our environmental needs. 

In the past our ancestors situated towns near water sources and good land to grow crops, but now we are concerned with freeway access, commute time and schools. At the home level our ancestors designed for efficiency and use of materials available in the region. Today our homes ensure that our families are protected from intruders, that we have sufficient guest bedrooms, a living room and a family room, or they might be status symbols.  But at the root of it all our homes are areas that provide a comfortable environment for us to grow and thrive.

Practicing feng shui becomes an art when all the science principles are applied to a situation intuitively. You can put one hundred PhD scientists in a room to resolve a problem, but if they do not have an intuitive sense of the issue, the solution will never be reached.  That is why many of the greatest scientists were also considered amazingly intuitive in their solutions. 

You cannot find the right answer before first formulating the right question. And that is exactly where the art comes in.  Being able to formulate the question that is truly being asked by an environment and to reach, intuitively, the correct solution for you and your family. 

Which Method is Right?

Five elements, Ba Gua, compass directions, Energy Flow, Yin and Yang!  When I read feng shui books these are always discussed but it is so confusing!  Do I use them all? Only one?  How do I know which one to use for my home!?

This is an excellent question.  On the surface Feng Shui seems like it should be simple; move your couch and your life will be instantly changed, right?  In reality, Feng Shui and Intuitive Living is much more complex.

First, understand that there are two ‘schools of thought’ for Feng Shui and most authors, consultants and experts will either go with one camp or the other.  Put simply, the traditional, ancient feng shui-ist will use compass directions in their evaluation and the western feng shui-ist does not.  In intuitive Living we use a combination of both, plus many other types of intuitive sciences.  So when you read a book on Feng Shui make sure you understand which camp your author is coming from because the topics you list above may or may not be discussed differently. 

Second, there isn’t any one tool that is used. If a Feng Shui consultant comes to your home and uses only one resource then you should look elsewhere for help.  Feng Shui is the careful consideration of many different aspects of your home and therefore your questions should be answered using all resources available to your consultant.

Third, when doing your own consultation I always recommend having an objective friend with you.  It is very difficult to determine your own remedies.  Although you may know that you want such as an improved family life, but it may be difficult for you to recognize what is causing the problem yourself.

Lastly, start with just one tool to make the process less complicated.  Just the way you do not mix all the ingredients at the same time for a recipe, try taking feng shui one step at a time. Most people like to use the Ba Gua because it is the most revealing and telling of the tools available to you.  Below is a simple Ba Gua layout. 

I generally start with aligning the Ba Gua with the front door of the home.  Be sure to note missing gua’s and don’t forget to include the entire area of your home (including garages if they are attached).  Once you have overlain the Ba Gua then learn how to use the other tools which will reveal how to implement the remedies you may need.

Living Competitively vs. Living Intuitively

I was a driving with a friend to a lake, on a beautiful spring day. Because it was a nice, warm, sunny day, the streets were pretty crowded. I stopped short of a busy intersection to let a large truck exit from a gas station and enter the crowded traffic lane. My friend said, without hesitation and very annoyed, “I can’t believe you just did that!”

“Did what?” I asked

“Let him in like that! Now he wins”

Puzzled, I asked her “What exactly does he win?”

“He beats you now”

“To where?”

“Where ever, it doesn’t matter, he is in front, he is winning and you are losing!”

“ What am I losing?” I asked getting more confused.

“You have lost, he has won, you are the loser, and he now knows it!”

I tried to explain to her that one good deed may lead to another and he may at some point in time, let some other poor person into a busy traffic lane. To which she replied “Hmmph, doubtful!”

And with that, a crossing of her arms and a turn of her head toward the window, it was clear the conversation was over. I couldn’t help but wonder exactly what had caused her to be so upset over such a minor detail of everyday life. She was, in fact, so upset that by the time we arrived at the lake and met our husbands she retold the entire event to her husband and asked, “Can you believe she let him win like that?” I never brought it up to her again, but now every time I see someone stuck trying to merge out of a parking lot, a smile, wave him or her ahead of me and think to myself “You Win!” (at what I am still not sure).

But this brings me to my point. Why do we want to live our lives constantly annoyed and competing with one another? The more we want, the more we compete, the more we ‘strive’, the unhappier, stressed and anxious we become. Our society is so incredibly competitive at the most mundane things: who can get in line at the cash register the quickest, who can finish the exam first, who is skinnier, who is taller, who is wealthier, who has a newer car, on and on and on and what do you really get in the end? Not a prize, not more valuable friendships, not money, not even happiness. In the end we all end up in the same place whether I let you cut me off in traffic or not.

Competition has its place. It is an important aspect to keep your business alive, it provides valuable entertainment and physical fitness in the sports industry, it can even bring friends closer together in a friendly game of basketball in the driveway. But when it spills over into your everyday living it is not nurturing or enriching.

To live competitively is to always be striving for what you don’t have or can’t attain, or at the very least striving to keep someone else from obtaining any happiness by making them the loser. It reminds me of a woman I saw on a reality show that made practice jerseys for her two young softball playing daughters that read “second place is the first LOSER”. She made them wear it to every practice.

It is easy to tell if you are living competitively vs. intuitively. Next time you start to feel anxious about someone or something that is completely out of your control ask yourself this question: “Does it really matter?” If you immediately answer, “hell yes it matters” even if you back off this stance a minute or two later, you tend to live competitively. It isn’t easy getting rid of this habit. Before, I was pregnant with my first child, two of my friends announced, at the same dinner, that they were both pregnant. That night I was so upset telling my husband that “I can’t believe they are pregnant before me!” and he said, exactly, word for word… “What does it matter?” and it dawned on me, it doesn’t matter. I got pregnant when the time was right, and had a beautiful baby boy.

Intuitive Living is letting it go. Realizing the mundane small setbacks like waiting in line, getting stuck in traffic, losing to another team, watching a friend achieve a goal you were striving for, etc. etc. does not affect your overall life. Your life will continue, you will get exactly what you need when you need it and you will be happy. Does the event alter you life in a significant way? If yes, you have the right to be upset, more often than not, it doesn’t. Whether or not I go to my grave with an ulcer because I feel someone beat me to it or not, is ultimately my decision and it is yours as well. Just relax and it will be okay.

If the eyes are the window to the soul.....

If the eyes are the windows to the soul then your front door is the mouth of the home. It is here that nourishment comes into our home (groceries), where new opportunities present themselves (unexpected visitors), and where fresh air is breathed into the home. It is for this reason that the front door of your home is vital and important. Imagine having your mouth taped shut for a week. The difficulty you would have breathing, the inability to eat, and the inability to communicate with loved ones or make business deals.

Front doors attract good energy and also protect us from the elements. It is for this reason that the front door is critical in feng shui. It should be easily seen, identified and approachable. All of us have seen the one house in the neighborhood that is ‘haunted’. The lawn is dead, the sidewalk broken, door faded and hinges rusted. The house that always gets egged by the kids, the ones where people cross the street rather than cross the driveway. Okay, I know your house is not like a cliché haunted house. But think about it this way. You entered the Publishers Clearing House drawing for one million dollars. The vans pull up, cameras are rolling and the host has a huge check in his hands. But wait, the crew looks puzzled. Where is the front door? Are those cobwebs? Do I hear a scary dog? They hurriedly load back in the van and you have lost a once in a lifetime opportunity. Okay, again, an extreme example.

The best exercise you can do is to go outside your home, stand in the street (please, watch for cars), face your house. Imagine that you are a good Samaritan and want to give one lucky homeowner on this street a ton of money. Would you approach your home or your neighbors? If you are biased and you still say “YES I would give myself the check!” then try this: imagine your are a young girl scout selling chocolate chip cookies. Is the owner of your home going to be enjoying those cookies or will she be skipping your house? I for one always hope for cookies.

Here are the top 5 basic feng shui principles for front doors:

1. Your front door should be seen from the street or at least it should be clear where the front door is.

2. The front porch and front door should be well lit. Not only will this make you feel more protected, and your visitors more comfortable approaching your home, it may also limit your liability if some one trips on your front porch step.

3. There should be a clean and bright colored door mat welcoming visitors.

4. There should be a pleasant yet protective greeter. These are often seen as small statues, a beautiful plant, or even small bench.

5. The door should open easily and freely. The door should not be blocked from the inside or difficulty to step through.

If you are feeling that ‘opportunity’ is passing you by, take a look at your front door.

Dr. Seuss, the master

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

-Dr. Seuss

top five......

Although there are never absolute rules in feng shui, there are five things that are very important to keep in mind:

1. do not place a mirror in your front entry that faces your door, it reflects positive energy back out the front door.

2. you should not have the foot of your bed directly facing the door of your room, it is a vulnerable position.

3. when you want to be in control, never sit with your back to the door.

4. Get rid of items given to you by past lovers (box up, sell, or return) if you are looking for a new relationship,

5. Do not use mirror tiles, otherwise your self image will be distorted.

habitat for humanity

The photo on the left is the 'habitat' we build for ourselves and the one on the right shows the birds eye view of the habitat we create at the San Diego Zoo for wildlife. Wouldn't it be great if we surrounded ourselves with such nature!! Notice how much greener the area is, even though i know the zoo has many roads, restaurants and stores No wonder we love going to this zoo. It is because the 'habitat' feels good there. When planning your own yard, consider what habitat you want to live in.

"Simply four "L" shaped buildings" ???

By now, everyone in San Diego and most people across the states have heard of the famous "Swastika" building on a Coronado naval base in San Diego built in the 1960's. Good Feng Shui or bad? Yes, you can only see it from the air, but again it is the subconscious mind of our surroundings that affect us. Almost worse than the shape of the building are the two buildings to the left that some people think look like military bombers ready to destroy the swastika building. Was that intentional or did the architect realize his mistake and correct the building shape before the next two were built? Regardless, living in the 'swastika' building will bring Sha, or negative, energy to you and certainly brings negativity to the military base

Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.

In this difficult economy it is important more than ever to pay attention to your hard earned cash. To protect your money and your cash flow enhance the 'Prosperity' of your home AND the 'Prosperity' area of each room in your home. To do this locate the far left corner of the house/room diagonally from the doorway. To enhance this area you can choose one or a combination of the following items and place them in the 'Prosperity' area:

1. Literal money: piggy banks or coin bowls. add small amounts to the bowl daily or weekly and do not take from it until it is full.

2. poster/pictures/photos of items you are saving for (boat, car, house, jewelry)

3. use items that are a rich luxurious purple (silk flowers, vase, candle)

4. Water features (either literally or depicted in a picture) such as waterfall that is not flowing away from you but toward you

5. Healthy plants.

Pay attention to your money... nurture it (by giving it a special place), feed it (by adding coins to it on a regular basis) and respect it (do not take from the area on impulse).

Chinese gift shop?

When you are considering using feng shui cures do not worry that your home or office will end up looking like a Chinese gift shop.

Traditional Chinese cures:  crystal pendant, chinese coins, buddhas, ba gua mirrors, water fountains

Western Equivalents that you may already own: crystal bowl, pennies,  cross (if your christian), small framed mirror, a photo of a lake or ocean.

Be creative! Take the traditional and make it yours.

Elyssa

Change (not the small shiny coin kind)

The world is constantly changing. We cannot stop the change. With each breath you are another second older, with each step you are in a new location, the world around changes with every decision made by you and those around you.  Intuitive living is the ability to recognize and adjust to the change as it happens.  To accommodate for the change, you must adjust your surroundings.  Non-movement during changing times will always create issues.  Picture a river flowing.  The water is constantly moving changing the shape of the river’s bank and the material flowing within it.  If a dam is built to hold back the river, this impediment may withstand for awhile but eventually the river will find a new course, either through eroding the dam, overflowing the dam, or going around the dam.  It takes an extreme amount of effort for us to hold that water back.  Life is like a river and if we do not “go with the flow” our lives will slowly erode or reach a breaking point.  Intuitive living will teach you how to identify the changes as they occur and how to adjust for these changes.

Eight Aspect Map

To the left is the eight aspect map, also called the Ba Gua in Feng Shui.  To determine where these aspects are located for you in your home, align this chart with your front door along the "knowledge, career, and mentors".  To make this easy, you can print this image, stand in your front door and hold the chart in front of you.  This will show you which portions of your house fall within which aspect.  Your front door will either fall within the one of the three aspect "knowledge, career or mentors" Remember it is a guideline.  Have Fun and I will post an example of how to overlay the map in my next post.

Where are you going?

So many phrases in our everyday life depict this important aspect. “I came to a fork in the road” “he marches to a different drummer” “take the path of least resistance” “the road less travelled” “he veered off course” “take the high road or the low road”.  What is your Life's Work? your goal, what will you leave behind.  This may include career, charity, children, spirituality. It is whatever path you want to take.  the "life's path" aspect can get blurred and lost as you become immersed in more superficial things such as, "i will never get out of this job"  "i have always wanted to _____  but i just don't have time.  To identify and enhance your life's path first sit in a quiet location and make a list of EVERYTHING you have ever dreamed of doing. Identify the life's path area of your home.  Enhance this area by making sure it is uncluttered, does not contain ANYTHING that may work against your goal, keep it clean and respect it.  Hang art or place other symbolism of your goals.  This is the most difficult area to enhance.  so if you can't quite get it that is okay.  My goal is for you to just start thinking about it.  If you have any questions about this aspect please do not hesitate to e-mail me.  Have a safe Journey.  

Bruised or bummed?

Energy affects us constantly and moves around us at all times.  Energy can be compared to water: sometimes your energy will be low like a stagnant pond, other times it could be racing like a raging river.  Just the way our bodies have energy levels, our surroundings can also exhibit energy levels.  For example there is certainly a difference between a high school gym and a library, between a beach and a cemetery.  It is important that the energy in your environment matches how you want to feel.  In your home are your kids running, people shouting or arguing and do you feel you cannot relax?  Are you always bumping into furniture or tripping?  Then the energy level in your home may be too high.   In this case you need to create spaces where energy can meander, flow slowly, and have small quiet areas to relax.  Conversely, do you find yourself completely unmotivated to get off the couch, generally depressed or down, have stomach aches and/or headaches? Then the energy level of your home is too low for you.  You need to bring in light, sound, and even actual water (fountain).  

Remember it is important to balance energy levels with areas of active energy and areas of low energy.  

looking for love?

Are you looking for love in your life?  maybe meet the partner of your dreams? did you know that if you have had less than optimal results that there is very likely obvious reasons in your bedroom that are holding you back.  Look around your room objectively.  Do you have ANYTHING in the room from a past lover? Do you have anything in the room that may deter a man?  such as an abundant amount of stuffed animals, pictures of your parents religious pictures or artwork with only a single person depicted?  Do you have the famous "one night stand" instead of two?

If so, remedy this by boxing up the items, replace pictures, add a second nightstand (even if it is just a tv tray).  After all your hard work, just wait for the phone to ring!  All your work is done!

One person's junk, another person's treasure

Your house is a lot like your body, with the front door to your home being the mouth.  Imagine if you ate and ate and ate and never went to the bathroom. You would start to lose energy, feel bad, get sick, become unmotivated and just generally, well, feel like crap.  Now imagine that you bring items into your home, over and over and over again: furniture, books, clothes, knick knacks, grocery bags, plants, etc.  and you never take anything out.  Your home starts to become 'constipated'.  The energy of the home decreases, the house becomes dusty causing you illness, you can't find items such as glasses or car keys which makes you more annoyed and on edge, you find that friends don't visit you as often and that you are experiencing generally poor luck.  At least once per year (and preferably four times per year) you need to help your home become a healthy place and de-clutter it.  You know all your hiding places of clutter.  Get in there and de-junk what is not important to you.   If this seems overwhelming enlist a friend to help and make a party of it.

When you de-clutter, with each item you consider, ask yourself the following five questions (and remember to answer  honestly):

1.   Do I LOVE this item

2. Do I NEED this item

3. Is it broken and am I willing to fix it, soon.

4.  does it provide me with only happy thoughts (get rid of things that remind you of a bitter divorce or unhappy childhood)

5.  Does it reflect where i am now (i.e. get rid of those pregnancy clothes, skinny jeans etc)

If you answer No to the five questions above toss it, donate it, sell it.  After all one persons junk is another persons treasure.  Although this task may seem daunting and exhausting, in the long run you and the energy of your home will feel 1,000% better!

Did you know????

Did you know that having a 'greeter' inside the door you enter your home, can decrease your stress greatly and provide a much needed transition from outside to inside environments.  A 'greeter can be anything that you consider happy, calm, beautiful, quiet such as a statue, a landscape picture, pictures of family, or a water feature.  A greeter should not be a mirror, a picture of food or a view of the kitchen, a computer or other work related items.  The greeter in my house is a large green vase on the opposite wall facing my door.  The vase is filled with bamboo and palm leaves and surrounded by pictures of my family.

Spring Cleaning

I love Spring!  The weather is getting warmer and it is time to open those windows and doors and let the fresh air in! Spring cleaning is not just a chore your mother nags you to do but an important part of Intuitive Living.  During the winter months our homes are usually closed up against the rain and cooler temperatures.  The amount of "stuff" that can accumulate during this time can be massive.  Be sure when you are shaking out those blankets and pounding those pillows to also purge any over accumulated items you have in your house.  Go through your pantry and throw out that Halloween candy you forgot about, or what about that Holiday sweater your Aunt got you?  Give it to a charitable organization.  Do not just dust your home, but also clean your pantry, your closet, your garage, any place that has become stagnant and stuffed with junk.   If you take the time now to purge your unwanted and not needed items you will free yourself for the rest of the summer to get out and enjoy life!