Living Competitively vs. Living Intuitively

I was a driving with a friend to a lake, on a beautiful spring day. Because it was a nice, warm, sunny day, the streets were pretty crowded. I stopped short of a busy intersection to let a large truck exit from a gas station and enter the crowded traffic lane. My friend said, without hesitation and very annoyed, “I can’t believe you just did that!”

“Did what?” I asked

“Let him in like that! Now he wins”

Puzzled, I asked her “What exactly does he win?”

“He beats you now”

“To where?”

“Where ever, it doesn’t matter, he is in front, he is winning and you are losing!”

“ What am I losing?” I asked getting more confused.

“You have lost, he has won, you are the loser, and he now knows it!”

I tried to explain to her that one good deed may lead to another and he may at some point in time, let some other poor person into a busy traffic lane. To which she replied “Hmmph, doubtful!”

And with that, a crossing of her arms and a turn of her head toward the window, it was clear the conversation was over. I couldn’t help but wonder exactly what had caused her to be so upset over such a minor detail of everyday life. She was, in fact, so upset that by the time we arrived at the lake and met our husbands she retold the entire event to her husband and asked, “Can you believe she let him win like that?” I never brought it up to her again, but now every time I see someone stuck trying to merge out of a parking lot, a smile, wave him or her ahead of me and think to myself “You Win!” (at what I am still not sure).

But this brings me to my point. Why do we want to live our lives constantly annoyed and competing with one another? The more we want, the more we compete, the more we ‘strive’, the unhappier, stressed and anxious we become. Our society is so incredibly competitive at the most mundane things: who can get in line at the cash register the quickest, who can finish the exam first, who is skinnier, who is taller, who is wealthier, who has a newer car, on and on and on and what do you really get in the end? Not a prize, not more valuable friendships, not money, not even happiness. In the end we all end up in the same place whether I let you cut me off in traffic or not.

Competition has its place. It is an important aspect to keep your business alive, it provides valuable entertainment and physical fitness in the sports industry, it can even bring friends closer together in a friendly game of basketball in the driveway. But when it spills over into your everyday living it is not nurturing or enriching.

To live competitively is to always be striving for what you don’t have or can’t attain, or at the very least striving to keep someone else from obtaining any happiness by making them the loser. It reminds me of a woman I saw on a reality show that made practice jerseys for her two young softball playing daughters that read “second place is the first LOSER”. She made them wear it to every practice.

It is easy to tell if you are living competitively vs. intuitively. Next time you start to feel anxious about someone or something that is completely out of your control ask yourself this question: “Does it really matter?” If you immediately answer, “hell yes it matters” even if you back off this stance a minute or two later, you tend to live competitively. It isn’t easy getting rid of this habit. Before, I was pregnant with my first child, two of my friends announced, at the same dinner, that they were both pregnant. That night I was so upset telling my husband that “I can’t believe they are pregnant before me!” and he said, exactly, word for word… “What does it matter?” and it dawned on me, it doesn’t matter. I got pregnant when the time was right, and had a beautiful baby boy.

Intuitive Living is letting it go. Realizing the mundane small setbacks like waiting in line, getting stuck in traffic, losing to another team, watching a friend achieve a goal you were striving for, etc. etc. does not affect your overall life. Your life will continue, you will get exactly what you need when you need it and you will be happy. Does the event alter you life in a significant way? If yes, you have the right to be upset, more often than not, it doesn’t. Whether or not I go to my grave with an ulcer because I feel someone beat me to it or not, is ultimately my decision and it is yours as well. Just relax and it will be okay.